Silent Words
by Angst Equinox
Summary: My collection of oneshots. Inspired by Post's Things Raven Sees. FINISHED
1. Seasons

**_Seasons _**

I have a thing for autumns.

Around the world, crops are being harvested, festivals celebrated, butterflies come out of their cocoon, to mate, to eat, to live…

Before winter comes and they die…

But still… I have a thing for autumn.

The sounds…

The smells…

The colors…

"……" It reminds me of Azarath. Eternal autumn. Eternal. Eternity.

Lies… there is always an end.

"……" I amthe **end.**

Yesterday is horror. Today is pain. Tomorrow is a lie.

"……" who would know that better than me?

Funny, the seasons… the Titans mirror the Titans, in many ways…

Starfire and Beastboy are Spring… Flighty, full of life…

Cyborg is Summer… a somberly thought, yet… fun, anyways…

Terra… Terra is the monsoon… hunker down, she brings pain… in the end, renewal…

Robin is Autumn… Brooding...

"……"

And I? I am winter. Cold… the Ice queen…

I am the end.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	2. Life

**_Life _**

_**Central Jump **_

_**2100 Hours**_

Imagine a jump from a ten story building. Imagine you aren't flailing about, screaming into a plunge to certain doom, you're gracefully flying though the air; somersaulting, backfliping… Now imagine behind you lay the best crime fighting force this side of the world. Imagine they would want nothing less than to put your ass behind bars until the next millennium.

Enough to get your adrenalin going? Now imagine if you don't perform this with absolute perfection, you will die. Horribly. Slowly.

Don't think it's possible?

Now imagine your Red X.

…

_Birdarang! Dodge. A rain of Xs…_

"You can't run forever X!"

_Starbolt! Trash can! Summersault. _

"And you can't chase me forever, bird boy."

_Landing. Run. Obscenity. Sonic blast. _

"Ha Ha! Can't catch me!"

_Birdarang! Telephone pole! Back flip. _

"Oh we will, X. We will…"

_The cool touch of a grenade… explosion! _

"Ooohh… scared me, that did."

_Run. Run. Starbolt. Explosion. Run. _

"No thief has ever escaped from us, X…"

_Smoke grenade. Grenade. Big explosion. Run. _

"Really? Which makes me the first?"

_Teleport. _

…

That is life distilled to the purest.

The cool feel of a million dollar diamond in the pocket. An X grenade in the hand. Teen Titans behind. Death cheated and prison avoided.

I've got to thank that boy blunder, someday…

…


	3. Tomorrow never comes

**_Tomorrow never comes_**

I stare at the wreckage of the temple of Azar. No doubt the clean up crew were having a frightening time wading though the centuries old curses…

Hopefully Azar won't curse me…

"Oh, she'll understand." Ah, the moment of truth; I turn to face Mother. I think the mirrors were starting to crack...

"Um, Arella…"   
"Daughter. I do understand you had a good time?" I almost blush. Almost.

"You… could say that."

"_You sure are beautiful, Raven…" I feel myself blush. He was _so _close _

"_Um… really…?" His hand brushed my hair away. _

"_Yes. Beautiful as an exotic flower." I blush harder. Azarath… Met…_

_His hand touches my cheek. "Uh…" He leaned forward… _

_Dear Azar… _

"Yes, I suppose so." She looked out of the window. "Who was the boy, anyways?"

"Just a… boy." She nods, I start to burn…

"And what did he do?"

"Why do you ask?" I try being evasive. Mother glanced at me. One of those glances that made me feel transparent.

"How long has it been since you meditated?"  
"This is starting to feel like an interrogation."

"Only if you want it too." She said pleasantly, sitting down "Sit down." I sat down.

She sighed "Raven." I nod. "I always knew there will be an occasion like this… you **are **a teenage girl, after all…"

"Twelve."

"What?"  
"I'm Twelve." She smiled.

"And quite adventurous, it seems."

"……Your point being?" She relaxed some more.

"Tell me, Raven, why do you meditate?"

I drone, "To keep my emotions in check."

"And why do need to keep your emotions in check?" I was getting annoyed; I wanted to damage that wise, peaceful smile of hers.

"To keep Father from coming." The smile shirks a bit at the reference to Trigon as Father.

"…Yes." She pauses. "And I doubt you have been doing it well… always stay on your guard, Raven; today, tomorrow, forever.

I smile bitterly. "Tomorrow never comes." She rises.

"Maybe so Raven, but there is a time and place for everything… and this is neither the time nor place." I sigh and concede. But deep inside, I feel I wasn't the person for it…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

What can I say? _No one understands me? I am not meant for love? _Or something else, equally clinched?

"……" I place the book in the box. With equal measures of reverence and malice.

"……" my hand hovers over the lid. What to say? What is there to say?

"……"  
"……" I close the lid, slowly. Silence was as good as anything.

The lid closes, but not before I catch one last glimpse of the book's cover.

_The Chronicles of Rorek. _

"……" _Now was neither the time nor place. _

_Tomorrow…_

_Tomorrow never comes. _


	4. Cyborg

**_Cyborg _**

**Reboot… **

What?... what happened? It's all so fuzzy… where am I? I… I can't feel my body… Can't…

**Reboot… System memory… **

"_What the hell!" Headlights…_

_Sound of shattering glass and twisted metal… _

_Sounds of screaming and pain… _

_Pain! Pain! Can't… pain! _

**Reboot… System processing… **

Ah! What's happening? Can't open my eyes! Can't feel anything!

Can't even scream…!

**Reboot… Neural interface… **

Aahhh! Pain! What the hell…?

Pain… Pain!

……gone…

**Reboot… Processing neural interface… **

I go numb… fear grips me, what the fuck is happening here!

**Reboot… Processing complete… **

I open my eyes… eye. My left eye won't open… just won't open…

The world comes to focus… dad.

"Victor? You're awake?"

**Reboot… Vocal system…**

"Uh…ah… yeah… wha… wath… What… happened?" Something was seriously wrong with me… Still numb…

"Vic, you…" He pauses, uncertain. This unsettles me; my father was always very articulate… "You… were in a car crash… Martha… Martha didn't make it."

"What? Mother… didn't make it! What do you mean she didn't make it!"

**Reboot… Secondary neural interface…**

"She's dead." As you can imagine that hit me pretty bad.

**Reboot… interface online… error… **

Father continued. "You were in a bad shape too… I had to resort to… extreme measures…"

Feeling returned to my limbs.

**Reboot… motor system…**

"What do you mean?" He stared at me, teary eyed.

"Oh, Vic… I love you…" I felt afraid. Very afraid.

**Reboot complete. **

Strength returned to my limbs, I shrug upward, towering over father. I pause perplexed; I was barely shoulder high to the man, now he barely came up to my chest!

He also looked very scared.

"What happened?" He points one shaking index finger to a mirror. I follow.

"_No." _

**Catastrophic error. **

…


	5. Control

**_Control _**

"Azarath… Metrion… Zilthos…" I dimly stare at Raven… fifteen minutes, and Beastboy and the others will come… until then…

"Azarath… Metrion… Zilthos…" Think of something to say.

"…Uh" She opens one eyes. The charka on her head flickers a brief red… I wonder if that's bad…

"…What?"

I open my mouth, hoping for inspiration. "Umm… why are you meditating anyways?" Which doesn't come.

She raises an eyebrow. "To keep control of my powers." That flickers a small interest.

"You seem to be in control."

"Because I meditated."

"Oh…" I left it there. Talking to Raven is not the easiest thing in the world.

"…You should try it."

"Uh, what?... Why?"

"You know… when we last met you weren't in that much of control, either."

"What?... That was last time! I'm better now!"

"……I'm sure you are…" My heart rate is up. I'm tense and defensive. Sensitive topic. Don't ask. You don't what to know…

"……" To top it off, she's staring at me.

"……" Extremely annoying.

"…What?" She shakes her head, slowly.

"…There's something about you Terra… Makrov…" I start at my last name. My heart speeds up again.

"How do you know my last name?" Did I see a twitch of the lips? Or was it just the shadows?

"I know a lot of things…" Okay…I'm having a heart attack, right now. A lot of things! What things!

I manage to keep my voice level. Tougher than it sounds. "Like what?"

Again that shake of the head. Dismissive. Frightening. "…… There's something about you Terra… something I can't place…"

"……" She levitates towards me, I cringe.

"Something you're hiding…"

"Funny. Secrets are more up league…" She smiles… and I can tell you this, there is something about that smile…… something that disturbs me. It's so… knowing…

Maybe that's how an Ice Queen smiles.

"I only you knew…" She settles down, in the lotus position. The tension diffuses, I start breathing again.

"So… when did you start meditating?" Can't help it. My mouth has a mind of it's own.

"Since I was born."

"Why?"

"That is a question I can't answer."  
"……Why?"

"……"

"……"

"…. Why are you doing this?"

"Uh?"

"Doing this?" See makes a vague gesture. "Fighting crime… being one of us?" that takes me by surprise. I half want to say: _Because I want to steal all your secrets so Slade and I can destroy you. _But… no.

"Why shouldn't I?"  
"Why shouldn't you be a member of the Hive? A villain? Or even with Slade?" I jolt upright.

"Don't you trust me?" I hiss.

"Trust has nothing to do with it."

"But do you?"

"…no."

"Why? I'm one of you."

"That doesn't mean I'll trust you. You will have to win **my **trust… I'm watching you, Terra."

I bark out a laugh. She raises an eyebrow.

"What?"   
"Beastboy's right… you** are** the Ice Queen…"

"……"

"……"

I leave the room, for the second time in so many minutes, I force myself to Breath."


	6. Alive

**_Alive _**

The wind sighs on the fluttering on the falling leaves… the sun is setting, unnatural colors of pink, bright orange and red bathe the park… so full of life, beauty…

"……"

Nature is mocking me.

My infra optic eye scans the sunset. The light is making a 34 degree angle of incidence……

My neural sensor net feels the cool autumn air. 21 Degree Celsius….

My tension sensitive motors trudge their way though the fallen leaves. Soft……So soft…

"……."

Skin is soft, hair is soft… _flesh _is soft. Not metal. Not motors. Not neural interfaces.

If you touch a neural interface you get electrocuted.

A man can paint a beautiful masterpiece; write works of art… compose a symphony…

A machine can kill you. Maim you. That's what the sonic cannon is for.

"……"

You know it is a terrible thing, loss. People asked me once, _look I've got a bionic arm, I'm not_ _crying. Why should you? _Try getting a bionic brain. A bionic eye.

I often to a concerts, listen to Mozart with Raven… she once showed me how to play a piano. Algorithms show me the exact frequency of sound. The exact symphony. The composer and tune. But it can't make my fingers move and make them. Just can't.

That's what I morn for. Humanity and all it's nuances.

That's what I've lost. A soul.

"……"

Still maybe the ability to bench press a bus makes up for it…

A little.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Review…… please…… _


	7. Titan Fall

**_Titan fall _**

My shield absorbs Robin's best explosive Discs.

"**That's **the best you can you?" Pathetic

The dust start's to settle, fog still obscures the entirety of the ruins of my home… I can still see Robin's silhouette. Hesitant. Afraid.

"I don't want to hurt you, Raven."

"I have no such inhibitions." I try to grab him; he's too fast, too agile. He runs into an alleyway, trying to avoid me.

"……"

Father is impatient. This ends now.

Birdarang. It uselessly explodes on my shield.

"Robin, you can not escape. Never."

"Who's trying to escape?" Another Birdarang. He disappears; but I know he's near.

"Now, now. Who's trying to hide?"

**Finish my command, daughter. He is the last. Finish him. **

_Yes_

"You can still be saved, Raven."

"Yeah, but who is going to save you?" I lash out into the dark, I hear him running. Follow.

"I will have to hurt you, Raven. I don't want to hurt you."

"You don't……" I laugh, Father Laughs with me. "Want to hurt me?"

**Kill him, daughter. Kill him, Ravish him, Ravage him! **

_Yes_

"Cyborg didn't even Bleed… disappointing."

Silence

"Did you know I tore apart him to see if he had a heart?"

Silence.

"**hE HaD nOnE!" **

Silence.

**Yes, Raven; feel me. Feel your destiny. Fulfill it! **

_Yes _

"Beastboy begged for mercy. He said I would not kill him. He cried. He bleed, I drank it all…"

Silence.

"I turned him into stone and place him with Terra."

Silence.

"Before I melted them both!"

"I want to hurt you, Raven. I want to hurt you bad."

**Finish this! **

_Yes _

"Starfire tasted succulent……"

"AAaahahhh!" He charged me, blow for blow he lived up to his image.

Before I killed him.

"Raven…… I hope you'll burn in hell…. For this…… for this………"

**Ravish him! Ravage him! **

_Yes _

"……" Blood…

"……" Flesh…

"……" Soul…

**Daughter…… **

_No. _

_No. No. No. _

"_Nnooooo!" _

**Yes, Raven. Yes. **

I jump away; I realize what I am doing. NO!

**Yes, daughter it is done. **

I can taste _his _seed.

I can taste _their_ blood.

**I'm proud of you, daughter. You made it last it sssoooo long. **

I close what I can of my eyes. Memories flood my head. Starfire… Beastboy… Cyborg… Robin.

No.

No.

I am on my knees. How? How after years of meditation?

**I will use my dark powers to resurrect them… so you them. Again and again. _For all EtErNiTy! _ **

No. that is all I can say.

No.

I dammed humanity. No.

I have killed my friends.

_NO! _

**It is my reward. My gift for you. For years of defiance. For your spirit. **

This is only the beginning. The prophecy… the prophecy!

**The Skies will burn. The heavens will fall. Flesh will become stone. The sun will set. Never to rise again. **

_No_

**iT HaS bEgUn! **

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Author's note. _

_Oh, and I'm deleting _Who is Slade? _Chapter for the sake of quality. Will be replaced with something better. _


	8. Till I Collapse

_**Till I Collapse **_

_Sometimes you're just so tired… Feel weak……_

_When you feel weak, you want to give up……_

_But you can't. You have to go on. _

_You close your eyes…… You see horror…… Go on…… feel pain…… _

_But you have to go on. No other way. _

_Who is Slade? _

We are so alike. He says.

We have nothing in common. I say.

I have fought him. Face to Face. Mask to Mask. I feel the truth in those words.

Slade. Red X. All the mistakes in my screwed up life.

_Till the roof comes down. _

_Till your legs give up. _

_You gotta to go on. _

_Who is Slade? _

There is an adrenalin rush, you know. When you take the risks. When you know one mistake is all it takes. When you're on the other side of the thin blue line.

Jaywalking.

Over Speeding.

Vandalism.

Robbing a bank.

Stealing missile secrets on Slade's bidding.

Tim Drake. Robin. Red X. The apprentice. All so different.

All me.

_Till the lights go out. _

_Till the smoke clears up. _

_You gotta go on. _

_Who is Slade? _

Sometimes I dream of him. Falling. Falling to oblivion.

Sometimes it's the mentor instead.

Sometimes it's Dick Grayson. Robin; or X. Even the Apprentice.

All falling. All falling to oblivion. No safety net.

No safety net.

_Till the ground comes up. _

_Till your bones collapse. _

_You gotta go on. _

_Who is Slade? _

A mask is a powerful symbol. It means you want to forget your past. Want others to forget your past.

Face to Face. Mask to Mask.

It's all about choice. He made one. I made another. X; another. The apprentice, Dick or even Robin…… they would have made another.

I am me.

"……"

_The roof comes down. _

_Your legs give up. _

_The lights go out. _

_The smoke clears up. _

_The ground comes up._

_Your bones collapse. _

_Sometimes you gotta give up. _

_Who is Slade? _

_Some secrets are never meant to be found out. _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


	9. Paint

**_Paint _**

I tried painting a year ago…… it struck a chord in me. Don't say what you want to say. _Feel _them. A mode of expression in quintessence.

The world is a canvas, I say, and we are all pixels.

The elegant strokes of the brush on the canvas…… you can, for a moment, forget who you are.

"……."

Black. The color of death and finality. Ravens are black…… but pink on the center. Pink and red… life, youth passion, death…… Robins are red.

"……"

Orange, Red, Blue, Green, Yellow and Violet. Orange and red go together. Both are colors of heat and passion. Violet fades into the background, always shadowed…… always.

Purple, really. The lightest shade of black.

"…….."

Purple…… pink, red…... all exist on the same spectrum, but never really bridged. Red, or even pink is not my color.

Not my color……..

'…….."

Purple never mixes with red, green, orange or even blue…… purple is unique it never mixes with anything…… the lightest shade of black, neither here nor there.

"…….."

There is a fine line between bright red and blood red…… between sunray yellow and mud yellow…..

"……"

Blue and red clash. Always. Heat and cold. Passion and calm. Greens and blues go together. Both light, both carefree.

"…….."

Purple and yellow clash. Yes they do. Yellow paints over purple….. mixing with green, the perfect pair……

"……"

Heat, passion, calm, carefree. No room for black. Even of the lightest shade.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Weird… anyone get what I was saying here? _


	10. Play, Animate, Pause

**_Play, Animate, Pause _**

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Play _

Guy time. Time to talk trash; make fun of Beastboy and extol the virtues of red meat. Of course Trash talk came first...

"……"

"……"

"……damm, she's hot, man. A total knockout! And try to be honest."

"Haha! I know…. I know….."

I sighed "Ya' know; If she wasn't 'getting used to our ways' I woulda'; you know… asked her out…"  
"hehehehehe! Robin would have kicked your ass…."

"Robin?"

"Eh…. Maybe it's my imagination, but….."

"Heh, Raven's got the hots for him….."

"_What!" _

"BOOYAH! Knockup another win for the champ! Cyborg 3 to 0!"

"Huh….? Wait! That wasn't fair!"

"Oh, yes it was! BOOYAH!"

"No, it wasn….! Aw, alright…. That was a cheap way to win….. lying…"

"I wasn't lying, man…. Raven does have the hots for Robin… even ice queens have hormones…."

"No; they freeze to death…. In Robin's case they die from exhaustion."

"Think what you want….. What I won't give for his prefect abs……"

"Your extra large steak?"

"Other than that."

"Hehehehehe!"

"…… ever wonder what's under the mask?"

"Huh?"

"You know… his eyes, ever wonder what they are? Blue, Black, Brown, Grey…."

"….ehh, no."

"….. Masks… Never had a face to face talk with him….. It's always been face to mask….."

"Eh…… you're trying to freak me out and make me crash, aren't you?"

"Hmmmphhff… Maybe."

"……"

"……"

"….. Saw the beach, Today?"

"Huh, why?"

"The girls were chilling there."

"So? Girls have a right to chill…… even, s-sexy girls….."

"BIKINIS, Beastboy, BIKINIS!... if only if I had my snapshot program working today….."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"What?"  
"Eh… I m-mean….."  
"I know; Terra is pretty cute too."

"**Pretty cute**! You're too shallow, dude."

"Hmmmm….."

"So? What does your raging Libido tell you today?"

"I don't have a libido. I just appreciate beauty."

"HA! I find that hard to believ….. On the other hand, I won't touch that….."

"Hmmm….. Raven wasn't there."  
"Her? Why should she be?"

"I don't have a file with her in a Bikini….."

"Hmmphhff…. You're a pervert, dude…"

"Hmmmm….."

"She's too… dark for that kind of stuff."

"Why do you say that?"

"She'll be reading a book full of Goth poetry…. Or meditating… or drinking tea. She's too dark."

"For what?"

"For a bathing suit of any description…"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Beastboy."

"Eh?"

"Raven's sexy."

"Prove it."

"In her own unique way."

"Prove it."

"Well…. You know, when Raven's being herself."

"Her cold, bitter, Goth self."

"Shut up. I'm making a point here."

"Hehehehe…."

"Anyways, when she's mediating, reading Goth poetry or drinking tea…… she has that strand."

"… Strand?"

"That loose strand of hair near her left ear…. It's always loose. She always having to sweep it back….. That's her brand of Sexy."

"Hehehehe! Your going nuts, aren't you?"

"I'm serious, man….. She's got a sexy side too……"

"Prove it!"

"Ever wonder why she doesn't cover her legs more?"

"……"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Animate _

"It's over X"

"Never say never, Birdboy!"

**KAABBOOMMM! **

"Nefarious villain! You will be apprehended!"

"Whatever you say, gorgeous…."

"EEEKKK!"

"Beauty makes up for Brains, sweetheart…."

"Azarath. Metrion. Zilthos."

**CRRAACCKK! **

"Tsk, Tsk. That was valuable, no?"

"Shut up, X. You're not getting away."

"Really? This being very different from the last five times and all….."

"HiiYAH!"

"X marks the spot, wonder boy."

"I'll be aiming for your mouth. Bigger target."

"Haha!"

"BOOYAH!"

"Nope. No Booyah."

"Aww… man…"

"No where to run, X"

"Who's running?"

**BOOMM! **

"Ah!"

"Tata, Titans. It's been fun; but I've gotta count the cash."

**KKKKAAAAAABBBBBOOOOOOMMMMM! **

_Teleport _

"AAaa!"

"Robin…. Time to put down the grenade….."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Pause _

I was ten when I told mother that I no longer want to live.

She scooped me up in her arms and stared into my eyes, asking why?

I told her that as long as I lived the world will in danger; that as long as I lived Father will come. Bringing the end of all things mortal.

She stared at me and spoke, all life here in Azarath was precious. Especially mine. That here… here, of all places, people knew the value of life. Even the greatest emperor to the meanest beggar knew that whatever he felt, understood and loved was temporary…… Cherished it, and mourned when it was gone. They all knew that they had to die, so they knew the value of life….

_The Skies will Burn. The Heavens will fall. Flesh will become stone. The sun will set….. Never to rise again! _

Her reply haunts me to this day.

"_But we can hope." _

"………"

I realize now that my life is nothing but the pursuit of utter oblivion.

I fight crime, for righteousness. I fight for the innocents. For their lives. For my ideals.

But when father comes, where will be those ideals?

Oblivion.

I live, breath, eat and love with the Titans. I balance my sanity in their hands.

But the Titans are not my life.

My life is nothing but the momentary pause before the end.

One day the portal will open and suck everyone in.

Me.

The Titans.

The world I struggle to protect.

Yet, I ignore it.

I choose to live in the present.

But the future nears. Do I believe I can simply blow the candles and wish it away?

Misery loves company.

Misery loves company, indeed.

But I can not dwell on it. The Titans call for me.

Starfire wants me to taste her newest 'cookery'

Beastboy wants me to play his video games with him.

Cyborg wants to test drive the new T car with him.

Robin wants me for team practice.

I sigh.

Cringe.

Shudder.

Stretch.

And get up.

I pick up a good book to read.

_TS Elliot _

Time to dream of another wasteland far from me.


	11. Late Night

**_Late Night _**

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's one of those nights, you know? Dark and Stormy

No, that wasn't an adequate description. It poured. It poured like some ancient, forgotten, angry… yes, very angry rain god thundered in the clouds. Draining it's might into one single storm.

"……" Sorry. In a night like this you get an urge to wax poetic.

Where was I? Ah, yes: Dark and stormy night. The lights were out. It was as dark as the devil's soul….

"……." And I was in my Superman Boxers. Someone up there likes me.

Extremely out of character; but even boy wonders need to raid the fridge now and then. It's one of those habits you desperately try not pick up…. But that can be hard when you live with Beastboy.

"Aaahh!" Trip. Fall. Crash.

**Craaaackkk! **

Damm. Starfire's 'vase'. She adored it….. Sauvé, boy wonder. Very Sauvé.

"Star liked that one."

I bit back a girly scream. Under the circumstances, it was a proud feat. Raven's voice can be _very _creepy. Oh, and Dark and Stormy night.

"She told me it was 'ginky'…."

"Eh…. How long were you sitting there?"  
"Enough to admire you're, ah, _fashionable _wear…." I cringe. Oh-oh…. This will do wonders for my 'great leader' image.

"Its pitch dark….. You're imagining things!"

"If that was the case, the world would be ending…….. And I don't need light to see."

"Really? That isn't in the database….."

"Well night sight doesn't help me kick Jinx's butt….."

"Maybe that's because you've never kicked Jinx's butt?" I could _feel _her glare.

"….. Maybe."

The lights come on…. Darkness lifted….. And everyone could now see me in my boxers.

It had other effects too. Least of which seeing Star's ginky vase laying in ruin at my feet….. But what really attracted my attention was Raven's dress. Satin. Perfectly respectful but oh, so decadent….. Well, at least that answers the question whether she sleeps in her uniform or not.

"Satin? Never though you'd go for a silk nightgown….."

"So? Being a Goth doesn't mean I want to be uncomfortable…"

"Yeah….."

"…. So, what's _you're_ excuse?" For the boxer, she meant.

"…..Terra gave it for a Christmas present." I shrug. "One of Beastboy's gags. For some reason I didn't destroy it….. And, you know, Mumbo _had _somehow managed to destroy all my pants….."

She sighed "Mumbo. Cinderblock. Overload. Plasmus. It's been a busy day…… you know; when the three of them work together; what it means….?" I grit my teeth. Of course I did!

"_Slade." _

She sighs yet again. "Yes. He'll be making a big reentrance soon….." She slumped.

"…… Something wrong?"

"My. Body. Aches."

"You handled yourself well. Not once did you get thrown into a brick wall!" She gives me a deadpan look.

"I didn't say my body ached because of _combat._"

"Oh…." I shift uncomfortably. What _did _she mean?

"………"  
"…….."

"So….. What are you going to do about the vase?"  
"Ah….." Good Question. "I'll think of something." She smiled, bleakly.

"OK……"   
"So….. What were you doing?"  
"Reading."

"In the dark?"

"I told you…. I don't need light to see."

"But do you prefer to read in the dark?" I pressed on.

"……Never."

"Uh-Uh?"

"Just….. Never, Robin. I don't prefer the dark."

"…….."

She sighed yet again. "Slade……"  
"What about him?"

"Something bad is going to happen, Robin….. I can _feel _it."

"…… nothing is going to happen."

"Don't be so sure."

"……"  
"……"

"So…… what were you reading?"

"TS Elliot."

She stretches.

Sighs.

Gets up.

And moves for the door.

"……" I decide not to stop her.


	12. Music and Monsters

_**Music and Monsters **_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Raven's fingers run over the piano. Simply divine. The melody, I mean.

**Composer: Mozart. English Classical Composer. Circa 1756-1791. Extant **

I have an affinity for music. I used to practice with the classics playing. Or maybe a bit of Robin's Fusion.

**Symphony: Storm and Stress. Circa 1750 **

Mother used to make me learn the instruments. The piano was my worst nightmare. Never got the keys right. Human error, eh?

Bu then, I wasn't human anymore.

She comes to a halt amidst enthusiastic clapping. She takes a bow.

"Wow Raven, you're pretty good... when did you learn the piano? Hell, when did you learn Mozart?" She frowns that when I say the composer's name. Clearly surprised that I had recognized it. Five hundred gigabyte hardisk. How could I _not _recognize it?

"Thanks, Cyborg….. Well, actually I stole it from a guy's mind."

"Hmmmm?"

"……Like a try? It's not as difficult as it looks."

"I'm sure it is." What the hell, anyway? To play or no to play, _that _is the question.

I get on the seat. Bring up my teacher's lessons. Cross reference it with my database…… I raise my fingers and bring it……

Well, a sound, at least. Off key enough to wake up Beastboy. Enough said.

My fingers hang about my sides for a moment. Useless and obsolete for once.

"Well, had my try. Play some more, I like it." She smiled her ghost of her smile and sat at the piano once more.

I sit down and listen. Mozart again. Major C. I smile and relax, wondering if I could tweak a algorithm for the piano……

But then music isn't for monsters.


	13. Go Together

_**Go Together **_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"You know, Raven, you have my undying love, respect, thanks ect, ect?" She rolled her eyes.

"For the final time: Yes."

"…… So, what are you going to do about it?"

"I'll find a spell, there has to be something……"

"Flesh to Stone."

"….. What?"

"Nothing."

"…… you do know that your presence hinders my research?"

"Yes."

"…….."

"Found something?"

"Maybe."

I eagerly lean closer. The book is bound in black, filled with strange symbols. Hehe. _Exotic._ Raven shifts and coughs.

"Don't touch." The faintest of pauses. "The book."

Oh, yeah. I retreat a fair distance and stare at the book. Raven gives me the faintest of glares.

"So…. That book can bring Terra back?"

"Maybe."

"Come on, Rae."   
"And don't call me Rae."

"_Raven _can that book bring _Terra Makrov _back?"

She sighed. "It's a spell to transform flesh to stone. Maybe I can reverse it. But it will take time."

"So…. Wait some more, eh?"

"Yeah…. Wait some more." I smile at her.

And leave.

Always some more time.

Always wait some more.

I'm tired of waiting.

But…… it has its ups.

Blue and green go together, Don't you think?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Author's notes _

…_. Do I have your undying respect yet, Eggelette? _

_This fic is dedicated to Eggelettle. God forbid if I have to write BBRae again. _


	14. Angel

_**Angel **_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The soft cries of the forest animals cause me prick my ears. Beckoning. I close my eyes and inhale the soft sounds and smells of the jungle. It's Strange; walking by myself. Strange and comforting.

The forest air is sweet with the smell of dandelions. The yellow flower. Yellow.

I pick them as I go. When I pick I arrange them. Then rearrange them. I've been on this trail many a time. I chuckle as I imagine the titan's reactions to this piece of news…… I rearrange the flowers some more.

I reach the cave. Each time I come here a new scene plays out in my head. It always ends in a warm hug.

There she is. Smiling. Beckoning. Asking for forgiveness. But how could an angel hurt me? But then, she wasn't always an angle.

Strange isn't it? To become divine, you got to die……

But that's more down Raven's lane. I sit down with her. Arm in arm. I inhale her scent. The yellow flower. I tell her all about what's going on……

Robin's new object for obsession……

Cyborg's new car…….

Starfire's new 'delicacy'……

Raven's new book…….

She smiles and laughs along with me…….. You know what? I have come to believe heaven is yellow……

I enter the cave. Now she isn't so alive. Now she isn't so comforting.

Yellow to grey. Flesh to stone.

I smile at the epitaph.

_Terra. _

_A Teen Titan and a True Friend. _

They forgot to add 'angel'.

I give her the flowers. And sweep away the old ones.

I pause and look at the flowers. Black and grey. No yellow.

I sigh and sweep them, nevertheless. In the past few years I have come to understand Raven's angst and Robin's obsession.

I steal one last glance at her before turning away.

Time to go back to the Titans……

Time to go back to Sanity……


	15. Who killed Cock Robin?

**_Who killed Cock Robin? _**

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Who killed Cock Robin? _

_I, said the Sparrow _

_With my bow and arrow, _

_I killed Cock Robin _

Robin was dead. My dear apprentice was dead.

I killed him.

Foolish of him. Thinking he can take me. Thinking he was too righteous to die…

Oh, I made him suffer. He fought to the last. I had to break every bone in his body. But the real test was breaking his will…

"You were always an idiot, Robin. More than ever at the end." Cyborg whispers as he brushes past my spy camera.

Yes. He was. Or was he? There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. Determination and Obsession.

Good and evil.

Robin, for all his life managed to live right on it. Walking the tightrope.

The procession is silent. But emotions frothed underneath. I sensed I would have to deal with the pain of their righteous anger, Soon.

Truthfully, I would welcome at least a little pain…

Robin was dead. My dear apprentice was dead.

I killed him.

_Who saw him die? _

_I, said the fly_

_With my little eye, _

_I saw him die _

We were paying our last respects.

Robin was dead. Our leader was dead. And all the magic in the world won't bring him back.

I sigh.

And to think, he was jumping around, fighting Slade yesterday.

What really hit me hard was how he was being buried. No service. No crying. No great procession to mark the passage of a great person.

Just us, the Titans. And Bruce.

Robin's live was a short one. Eighteen years. Not enough to truly make ripples. But we felt him, good enough.

But ripples or not, he didn't deserve _this. _The Epitaph for one thing; no, it wasn't like

_Dick Grayson _

_AKA _

_Robin _

_A Teen Titan. A Great leader. _

_The Protégé of Batman _

_(And don't go around saying Bruce Wayne's Batman) _

No; it was:

_Dick Grayson _

_Much loved. Gone too soon. _

In the end, he is Dick Grayson, the circus acrobat.

A little boy with nothing…

_Who caught his blood?  
I, said the fish _

_With my little dish, _

_I caught his blood _

Death is the something every Tamaranian fears.

We are a people of warmth and emotion. Death is unemotional and cold. It is the antithesis of everything we hold dear. Life…

I have horrified, at first, by the Terran fascination of death. Their concept of continued life… I once asked Robin, if there is life after death; doesn't death lose its meaning?

He shrugged and told me it was something that is feared, people have always run away from it. It was the greatest mystery of them all… he being a detective knew all about mysteries…

Has he found an answer? He would have wanted it.

"……" His mentor shuffles about; not a single tear. Not a single sign of sadness…

I wish I had Friend Raven's ability with these matters. He seemed beyond tears.

I, on the other; as in the Terran Proverb; hand, am freely blinking away my tears and emotions.

Have you found an answer? I ask.

_Who'll make the shroud? _

_I, said the Beatle _

_With my thread and needle, _

_I'll make the shroud_

He looked like he was asleep.

He _was_ asleep. One from he'll never wake up.

I have felt oblivion many times in my meditations. You can call it Nirvana. Especially in Robin's case. No limbs to lose in fights. No thoughts to obsess over Slade. No worries. No thoughts…

"……" He looks handsome.

A Black and White Suit. Clean and pinstriped.

Bright red interiors.

Purple covers. Purple. The same colors as his bruises……

"……" I move near the coffin. Bend over to his sleeping face. And kissed his forehead.

I felt like kissing ice.

"You were a moron, O leader. You paid for it. You made me pay for it." I whisper into his ear.

Task completed, I take my place between Cyborg and Starfire. Starfire manages a weak smile while Cyborg stares at the wall. Ignoring me.

_Flesh to Stone. _I tell Robin. At least you were spared that.

_Who'll dig his Grave?_  
_I, Said the Owl_

_With my pick and shovel, _

_I will dig his grave _

You were always an idiot, Robin!

Always!

Red X, The apprentice, Slade… When did you ever care for your safety! When! And now you are dead! Dead!

You understand that! No, how could you? You're dead!

Dead!

You pompous little bastard! How dare you die on me?

Who's gonna laugh when I shout Booyah!

Who's gonna humor Raven into joining our card games!

Who's gonna beat me in Space race!

You!

But how are you going to? You're dead!  
Dead! Dead! Dead. Dead. Dead.

Dead……

_Who'll be the Parson? _

_I, said the Rook _

_With my little Book _

_I'll be the Parson_

I choke back any tears I might have shed. Robin won't have liked seeing me cry.

_Fifteen Years _I raised the boy.

I'm sure many humanitarian groups would have some problems just how I raised him. But no one can doubt I loved him; Heart, Mind and Soul.

_Fifteen Years _I had trained him.

He never once stumbled. He did far better than myself at his age. I was proud as one can be of him.

It took Slade _Fifteen minutes _to finish the job.

Fifteen minutes. Not a second more…

"……"  
I had fought Slade before.

He had told me, how it felt. He told me it felt like being god.

To end a sixty year life in sixty seconds… he asked if that was not proof of divine.

He was insane.

I had let him go.

"……" The greatest mistake of my life. We shall see how many minutes it takes to break _his _neck.

_Who will be the clerk?  
I, said the lark _

_If it's not in the dark, _

_I'll be the clerk _

We all gave one last parting gift.

I gave him a good luck charm. An amulet; an open eye engraved in jade. In more rural times it had been used to ward away bad luck.

I also put a mirror; gothic in design and totally blacked out. The others sensed my intentions but kept quite. I was going to try and contact him one last time… "……" I already know the results.

Beastboy gave up his playstation; I was really impressed by that. He also wanted to put in a king sized piece of Tofu; but a flatly said no by me put an end to that.

Cyborg put in a hubcap from his first car… I noticed how he glowered at Robin's body. He wasn't ready to let go…

Starfire put in as many things as we would allow. Robin's favorite mask… Robin's favorite book…

Mr. Wayne gave a first edition of Sherlock Holmes. Priceless. But when did money matter to Robin?  
I sigh. We had turned his tomb into a grave robber's dream…

Mr. Wayne stands at my side; face stoic, eyes ravaged… I sensed his Heart had shattered like glass.

Like glass irreparable…

_Who'll carry the link?  
I, said the Linnet_

_I'll fetch it in a minute, _

_I'll carry the link _

We all say a few words about him.

Or try too.

Starfire breaks into a seventy stanza poem and had to be pulled off by Raven.

Beastboy somehow manages to crack a horrible joke. One horrible joke.

Raven refuses outright.

Mr. Wayne too.

And at last; it's my turn. What to say? What is there is to say?  
To say or not to say that is the question.

"……"  
"……"

" … "

"……"

I go up to him say:

"We will find Slade, Robin. And finish your work. With plenty of unnecessary force."

_Who'll be the chief Mourner? _

_I, said the Raven, _

_I'll mourn for my love, _

_I'll be the chief mourner _

"With plenty of unnecessary force."

Yes… Bring It on, Tin man. Bring it on.

Bring on the pain.

Robin was dead. My dear apprentice was dead.

I killed him.

It was neither my first nor my last.

_Who'll bear the pall?  
We, said the Wren, _

_Both cock and hen_

_We'll bear the pall _

An uncomfortable silence overcame the group.

Raven told me to pray.

And pray I did.

I prayed that there was an afterlife…

I prayed Robin would find his answers…

But most of all, I prayed my righteous anger won't fail me when I face the nefarious Slade…

There_ will_ be a reckoning. As Cyborg put it, with unnecessary force.

_Who'll sing the Psalm? _

_I, said the Thrush_

_As I sat on a Brush, _

_I'll sing the Psalm _

The gifts were given.

The last words said.

The last threats made.

It was time to let go.

It was time to bury Robin.

We all crammed to have one last look.

His skin was unnaturally pale. _Ice. _

The purple covers. _Bruises. _

His was a quiet end. Not befitting his stature.

In the end he was defeated.

It was time for revenge.

_Who'll toll the bell?  
I, said the bull,_

_Because I can pull_

_I will toll the bell. _

Goodbye, Robin. Remember the undue force.

Goodbye, wonder boy. I'll miss you.

Goodbye, Friend. I Hope you will find your answer.

Goodbye, O great leader. It isn't over yet.

Goodbye… son. You will have your revenge.

Goodbye, Apprentice. You were an able match.

_All the birds of the air_

_Fell, a-sighing and a-sobbing, _

_When the bell tolled_

_For poor Cock Robin_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


	16. A Christmas Carol

**_Ghost of Christmas Past_**

Mother,

Your blood.

It's spilling all over the marble floor.

Mother,

Your blood.

It's sinking through my toes.

Mother,

Your blood.

It keeps chasing me. It keeps haunting me.

Mother,

Your blood.

I can't get it out of my hair……

I can't scrap it out of my flesh……

I can't spit it out of my mouth……

Mother,

Flesh like ribbons, Draped over **his** antlers.

Mother,

Your womb, inside out.

Birth at the grave, death at the womb.

Mother,

He laughs. And keeps on laughing.

Mother,

You are silent. Nevermore.

You are gone. Evermore.

Mother,

Whence am I to die?   
Whence am I to die?  
Whence am I to die too?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**Ghost of Christmas Present **_

Starfire Whimpered and jerked her hand back.

I sighed. "Starfire, I won't be able to heal your hand if you don't hold _still_."

"I am sorry Raven, I can not 'help it'… ohhh! The pain!"

"It's a _Paper cut _Star."

"Yes, I do not understand the need for the bio chemical product with sharp edges for the storing of knowledge!"

"……"

"On Tamaran all our works are stored on digital pads… I estimate they would be nearly one million."

"……"

"Raised to the power of one million."

"……"

"Today I was forced to fold through three hundred pages of your 'paper' to read the works of Gorlark of Eredar!"

"…Poetry?"

"Nursery Rhyme."

"Ah…"

I _finally _heal the cut.

"Thank you, Friend Raven."

"… I don't get it, Starfire. You're the toughest member of the team; I've seen you tackle Cinderblock one on one… but you can't handle a Paper cut?"

She pauses. "When I am in battle, Raven." She says, slowly. "I stand ready to summon endless joy or burning fires of righteous fury. Tamaranians are a warrior people at the heart; we accept pain."

"……"

"But I do not accept pain when it is not necessary. Pain is Relative."

"……" Yeah… all said and done…… Pain_ is_ Relative……

"……"

"_Titans. Trouble." _

…

…

**KAAABBBOOOOMMMM! **

"It's cinderblock. Maybe Plasmus too."

We all nod. We knew the world that was being left unsaid.

_Slade. _

**CRRAAACKKKK!**

"Starfire…?"   
"Yes, Raven?"

"Don't get into the muddle of the thing, this time. Stick to my shields."

She hesitates.

Hesitates……

A nod……

**BBOOOOOMMMM!  
**All said and done, Pain _is _relative.

_**Ghost of Christmas yet to come **_

There is something beautiful about it.

How the crystal replaces blood. The smooth marble swirls and whorls in the place of sinew. How the pain and fear are etched into their faces for all eternity.

Something beautiful and terrible.

"I am sorry."

Choices. Aren't they the little paradox? Life is a straight line; you see the branches and possibilities as you stare down on the abyss of the past.

"If you have ears left to hear this: I am Sorry."

But if you take a different path. Choose a different Choice; you wouldn't be you. Someone else would be staring down at a different abyss. Asking a different a set of questions.

_Did I have to kill them?  
_"I always told you. Always. It was destiny. A prophecy. You could have done nothing…… I am sorry."

Ever the little paradox.

"……"

_Why? _

They ask though their dumb mouths. My answers do not quench them.

Blind eyes stare at me, accusing. Damming.

"I am sorry."


	17. The last slice of Pizza

**_The Last Slice of Pizza _**

I have yet to understand the strange customs of this world.

For they are strange.

But then, _we _are strange.

The Teen Titans. Fighting for 'Truth, Justice and the last Slice of Pizza' as Cyborg aptly terms it.

The last slice of Pizza, apparently, is a worthy prize to fight for.

I do not understand it.

But then I truly understand little of this world.

Except this world is beautiful. Glorious. Well worth fighting for.

My friends also think such, but through the prisms of their own consciousness. I understand a lot about emotions. More than the others. Except, perhaps, friend Raven.

For Raven, it is atonement. For sins real and imagined… Though, perhaps, they are far more real then imagined.

For Robin, it is a drive to prove himself, to be better than the mentor.

For Cyborg, it is to prove his humanity, to prove he is not a emote Machine.

For Beastboy, it is to prove he is not the sidekick, not a failure.

For me… for me…… it is simple really. Love for this world and my friends. Respect for our ideals.

For them, I stand ever ready to summon endless joy, or righteous anger.

But what I really want is to satisfy one emotion. Rage.

What I want is vengeance. For me. For Tamaran.

If I ever meet those Gorks ever again, I will kill them. Without mercy.

Once Robin said "Vengeance is sweet." I do not remember when, but it matters naught. For it true. And I intend savor it's sweetness.

"……"

My friends would be uneasy knowing I think such thoughts. But what can I do?

I sigh and change my path; onwards toward the Tower. Tis' time to continue the defense of the last slice of Pizza.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_First Foray in Starfire Territory. _


	18. Storm

_**Storm **_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lightning arches across a rent and wounded sky.

Rain pours down on my frail form.

The world is an inky black. Too dark for even me.

Which is pretty dark.

"……"  
Welcome to the tempest.

I Stand upon the Tower, and watch the infinite inky depths.

"……"  
A lighting strike illuminates infinity. A measly ten kilometers of urban chaos.

The dark soon reclaims the world.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zilthos."

The tempest shifts its power ever so slightly.

I smile. I still haven't forgotten Azar's old lessons.

**SnnnkkkkTttt…! **

"……"

It's a rare occurrence that Earth throws up a true storm.

When it does, I can be found on the Tower's roof, reveling in its power.

There are few powers that can face the fury of the storm.

I can not manipulate it.

Slade can not survive it.

Father can not enslave it.

"……"

Go from the oceans of Earth to the forests of Azarath to the pastel fields of Tamaran; you will always find the Storm.

There is an intricate order in the exchange of electrical charges and Attractive blasts of ions.

There is an inherent chaos in the destruction of forests and flooding of cities.

"……"  
Even father can not reach me amidst the fury of the storm.

He does not even try.

My mind can wander free, unchained.

"……"  
I have sometimes wondered if he watches somewhere above; laughing at my temporary independence.

He mocks me with the one word that I have to answer for.

"……"  
_Destiny. _The Antithesis of Freedom.

Fate mocks every ideal, every achievement to the contrary. By very definition they are meant to fail.

"……"  
_Soon, Daughter, you too will be a storm. A storm of red. _

I shudder and retreat indoors.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Before you kill me, Blackest Darkness, yes this is based on Toboe Lonewolf's Into the Tempest. _

_Nothing was plagiarized in the making of this chapter. _


	19. Color

**_Color _**

We were a colorful bunch.

We had apples, tomatoes, Oranges, Grapes, Blueberries, Incredibly witty and funny tofu green.

But we had no yellows.

Which made me sad. After all, no bowl of fruits is complete without bananas.

I sighed. Tofu is a lot more fun when banana flavored.

One fine day I bring it up before the team.

"Guys! We have a problem!"

"What is it now, Beastboy?"  
"We suffer from a mighty crisis, a problem that none, not ever Slade has managed to inflict on us!"  
"Spit it out."  
"We have no yellows!"

"….What?"

"The team. We have all the colors of the rainbow. We have red, blue, orange, green, Black, white, Grey and White-"  
"I resent that." Raven said.

"-But we have not yellows! I say we got out there and get some yellows!"

Robin raised an eyebrow. "Beastboy, you've had too much tofu, it's melted your mind."  
"I second that."  
"Third that."

"Glorious! I fourth this!"

"Come on, Guys….."   
A bucket full of yellow paint appeared over my head and painted my handsome face yellow.

"Mmmprrhh… better wash that, BB."

My ears droop a little and I wander off. I don't blame the other, their reaction was natural.

After all, Terra was yellow.


	20. I Believe

**_I Believe _**……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Autumn.

The multicolored leaves softy blanket the paths leading to our location in the city park.

Peaceful.

"……"  
I let loose a small sigh; Raven was getting restless. A rare occurrence.

We can't have everything can we?

A date.  
I

dare not call it that, for fear for my reproductive organs.

Yet… A date.

"I often like Philosophical discussions."

And Damm, I had let her choose the topic.

"You do?"

"Yes… Particularly Earth Philosophy."

"Why?"  
"

It's different than in Azarath."  
"

Hmmm?"

"Yes… In Azarath, we believe in the sanctity of all life."

That's cool, I guess."

She sends me a cool side glance. The kind that says '_you know nothing about me'._

In other words, sexy.

"Azarath is now a Burning Wasteland." She drones. "And everyone is **dead.**"

"….How?"

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do."

"You won't like to… know everything about me."

"I would." I put a hand on her shoulder.

I was asking for it.

"No, you won't, Romeo. And you're pathetic at romancing to boot."

I hurriedly withdraw the hand. But she said the magic word. _Romancing. _The thrill of the hunt took me.

"Where was I?"

"Philosophy."  
"

Yeah… I love philosophical debates."

"Yeah…"  
_'_

_Not that I expect much from you'_ said the look.

I grin and stare at her breasts.

Her eyes narrowed.

"I'm interested by one of the Branches, in particular."

"Which one?"  
_'_

_You so totally out of your depth.' _

I size her up. C cup, probably.

Those eyes were **furious. **

"Nihilism."

"Nihilism?"

"Yes, interesting, isn't it?"

Some amount of academic interest gripped me. After all, I wasn't _totally_ illiterate in these things.

"Interesting? Weird is more like it."

"You don't understand it; few people do."

"What's there to understand? It's like an excuse for suicide."

"You're more likely to die from choking on turkey than philosophical induced suicide."

'Hmmm… and you would have photocopied documents proving that into your memory?"

"But, of course."

"……"

"……."

She pulled her cloak over herself, obstructing my view.

Damm.

"So… what is Nihilism?"

"It's a belief that there are no higher moral ground does not exist; Truth does not exist. Hence, no action is preferable to another."

"Truth does not exist?"

"Truth does not exist."

"…. Well, Raven, if truth does not exist; won't telling 'Truth does not exist' be a lie?"

"Yes…. Interesting, no?"

"……"

"Don't find it palatable?"

"Not really."

"Think about it. The renaissance was the golden age of Philosophy. And the entirety of it can be summed up in Fredrick Bulwark's famous Statement: 'God is Dead.'"

"…… Is god dead?"  
"

Do you think he is?"

"Never thought about him."  
"

He is dead."  
"……"

"……"

"Do you think so?"  
"

I don't think anything."  
"

Hmmmm… so why do you find Nihilism so interesting?"

"It's just… well… we live a dangerous life."

"We do?"

'_Moron' _

"Yeah. Think about it, can you dodge bullets forever?"

"I don't think so; we never were down and out. No one can take us out."

Her eyes darkened ever so slightly.

"We are all going to die, die, die. Horribly."

"Why?"

"Because I'm here."  
"

Am I supposed to pry?"

"……"

"……"  
I open my mouth.

I close it.

She was… interesting.

"So… you find Nihilism interesting?"

"Yes."  
"

And we're going to die, die, die?"

"Yes."  
"

That's ominous."

"……."  
"……"

"……"  
"……"

"Raven?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you believe?"  
"……"  
"……"  
"……"  
"……"  
"Good question…… good question."

I lean in and put an arm around her shoulders.

"……What are you doing?"

"Romancing you."

"……Why do I bother with you?"  
"

Love."  
"

Dream on."  
"

Birds of a feather, Flock together."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	21. The High Road

**_The High Road _**

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Robin?"

Silence.

"Robin."  
"Star."  
"I… thought I would never see you again…"  
"Me too. It's been a busy few years."  
"Busy? Yes… Slade's tutelage must be hectic… and painful."  
Silence.

"Or mayhaps, you felt remorse for friend Cyborg?"

Silence.  
"Why are you here, Robin?"  
"To steal another chip."  
"No angry quest to eliminate the rest of the Titans? No diabolical scheme to conquer the city for Slade?"  
Silence.

"No?"  
"You've changed."

"It's been a busy few years."  
"More cynical, more bitter?"  
"Yes…"   
**Ftttzzzz **

The green glow of a Starbolt.

"Shall I show you the extent of my change?"  
**Kkaaaabbboooooommm**

_Whoosh!  
Whap!  
_"Aaahhhhh!"

Silence.

"Get out of the way, Star."   
"No."  
"I will hurt you."  
"You overestimate you abilities."

**Kkaaaabbbboooooommm**

_POW!  
_"It wasn't supposed to work out like this, Star."  
"No. I suppose it wasn't."  
_POW! _

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	22. Birthday

_**Birthday**_

The canyons are beautiful.

"_This was always your home, Raven." _

The temples are beautiful.

"_We will always love you." _

My mother's face…

"_You can always change destiny, Raven." _

Face…

"_And destiny can always change you." _

Flesh…

"_Azarath is truly beautiful." _

Stone…

"_But it is too late for it." _

Fire!

"_Daughter…" _

"Aaaaaahhhh!"

Breathe!  
Breathe.

Breathe……

…

I am in my room. In my bed…

"**Happy Birthday, Daughter." **

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..


	23. Red

**_Red _**

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Red is a color. _

"……"

_Red is a color. _

_It is a blend of pigments on a canvas, one of the colors of the Rainbow, a trick of the light. _

"……"

_Red is one of the many. Yet unique. _

_Red is the color of spilled blood, yet is the color of courage, valor and life. _

"……"  
_But, this above all, Red is the color of Blood. _

_Red is the color of Trigon. _

"……"  
_There is reason why I wear blue. _

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	24. Practice makes perfect

**_Practice makes Perfect_**

He enters the training room.

Refuses to make eye contact.

Takes on a fighting stance.

…

You want to hurt me. you want to make me bleed.

You want to rip apart this mask.

**Cllaaaannnggg… **

Metal on metal.

Sinew on sinew.

Soul on soul.

**ThiK! **

You want to scream.

Then scream.

But no, pride stops you.

"_uuuhgggg…!" _

You push me off.

The sheer power of will, you have.

The fanatical edge.

But, you have to learn, desire isn't enough. The world will always claim you in the end.

"_Ah… ahh… aaaAAAAA!" _

Ahh… you scream. You scream.

Pain is undeniable. But, you have to learn, to show pain is to prolong it.

"_AAAAAA!..." _

Say the magic word, Robin.

**Say it!  
**

_"…Please." _

I let you go.

I always let you go, don't I?

**ThiK! **

But you gotta learn, Practice makes perfect.


	25. Shanti Shanti Shanti

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

**_The Wasteland _**

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I read…

And read…

Read…

Read…

**Burial of the Dead **

_April is the Cruelest Month_

_Lilacs of the dead, mixing _

_Memory and desire, stirring _

_Dull roots with spring rain._

_Winter kept us warm, covering _

_Earth with forgetful snow, feeding _

_A little life with dried tubers._

_Summer surprised us, coming over the Stranbursse_

_With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,_

_And went into the sunlight_

_Drank coffee and talked for an hour_

_Bin gar keine Russin, stamm' aus Litauen, echt deutsch._

_When we were children, staying at the Archbishop's _

_My cousin, he took us on the sled_

_And I was frightened. He said, Marie,_

_Marie, hold on tight. And down we went._

_In the mountains, there you feel free._

_I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter._

_What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow_

_Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, _

_You cannot say, or guess, for you know only_

_A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,_

_And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,_

_And the dry stone no sound of water. Only_

_There is shadow under this red rock,_

_(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),_

_And I will show you something different from either_

_Your shadow at morning striding behind you_

_Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;_

_I will show you fear in a handful of dust_

_Frisch weht der Wind_

_Der Heimat zu_

_Mein Irisch Kind,_

_Wo weilest du?_

_"You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;_

_"They called me the hyacinth girl."_

_- Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,_

_Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not_

_Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither_

_Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,_

_Looking into the heart of light, the silence._

_Od' und leer das Meer._

_Madame Sosostris, famous clairvoyant,_

_Had a bad cold, nevertheless_

_Is known to be the wisest woman in Europe,_

_With a wicked pack of cards. Here, said she,_

_Is your card, the drowned Phoenician Sailor?_

_(Those are pearls that were his eyes. Look!)_

_Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,_

_The lady of situations. _

_Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,_

_And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card,_

_Which is blank, is something he carries on his back,_

_Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find_

_The Hanged Man. Fear death by water._

_I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring._

_Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,_

_Tell her I bring the horoscope myself:_

_One must be so careful these days._

…

_Unreal City, _

_Under the brown fog of a winter dawn,_

_A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many,_

_I had not thought death had undone so many._

_Sighs, short and infrequent, were exhaled,_

_And each man fixed his eyes before his feet._

_Flowed up the hill and down King William Street,_

_To where Saint Mary Woolnoth kept the hours_

_With a dead sound on the final stroke of nine._

_There I saw one I knew, and stopped him, crying "Stetson!_

_"You who were with me in the ships at Mylae! _

_"That corpse you planted last year in your garden,_

_"Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?_

_"Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?_

"_Oh keep the Dog far hence, that's friend to men,_

_"Or with his nails he'll dig it up again!_

_"You! hypocrite lecteur! - mon semblable, - mon frere!"_

I breathe.

Breathe.

And Breathe

"……"  
Unreal city.

Hypocrite. Lecteur. Mon Semblable. Mon Frere.  
"……"

I read…

And read…

And read…

**A Game of Chess **

_The Chair she sat in, like a burnished throne,_

_Glowed on the marble, where the glass_

_Held up by standards wrought with fruited vines_

_From which a golden Cupidon peeped out _

_(Another hid his eyes behind his wing)_

_Doubled the flames of seven branched candelabra_

_Reflecting light upon the table as_

_The glitter of her jewels rose to meet it,_

_From satin cases poured in rich profusion;_

_In vials of ivory and colored glass_

_Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes,_

_Unguent, powdered, or liquid - troubled, confused_

_And drowned the sense in odors; stirred by the air_

_That freshened from the window, these ascended 90_

_In fattening the prolonged candle-flames,_

_Flung their smoke into the lacunaria,_

_Stirring the pattern on the coffered ceiling._

_Huge sea-wood fed with copper_

_Burned green and orange, framed by the colored stone,_

_In which sad light a carved dolphin swam._

_Above the antique mantel was displayed_

_As though a window gave upon the sylvan scene_

_The change of Philomel, by the barbarous king_

_So rudely forced; yet there the nightingale _

_Filled all the desert with inviolable voice_

_And still she cried, and still the world pursues,_

_"Jug Jug" to dirty ears._

_And other withered stumps of time_

_Were told upon the walls; staring form_

_Leaned out, leaning, hushing the room enclosed._

_Footsteps shuffled on the stair._

_Under the firelight, under the brush, her hair_

_Spread out in fiery points_

_Glowed into words, then would be savagely still. _

_"My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me._

_"Speak to me. Why do you never speak. Speak._

_"What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?_

_"I never know what you are thinking. Think."_

_I think we are in rats' alley_

_Where the dead men lost their bones._

_"What is that noise?"_

_The wind under the door._

_"What is that noise now? What is the wind doing?"_

_Nothing again nothing. _

_"Do you know nothing? Do you see nothing? Do you remember Nothing?" _

_I remember_

_Those are pearls that were his eyes._

_"Are you alive, or not? Is there nothing in your head?"_

I sigh.

And read.

And read.

And read…

**The Fire Sermon **

_The river's tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf_

_Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind_

_Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed._

_Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song._

_The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers,_

_Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends_

_Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed._

_And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors_

_Departed, have left no addresses._

_By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept . . ._

_Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song_

_Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long._

_But at my back in a cold blast I hear_

_The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear._

_A rat crept softly through the vegetation_

_Dragging its slimy belly on the bank_

_While I was fishing in the dull canal_

_On a winter evening round behind the gashouse _

_Musing upon the king my brother's wreck_

_And on the king my father's death before him._

_White bodies naked on the low damp ground_

_And bones cast in a little low dry garret,_

_Rattled by the rat's foot only, year to year._

_But at my back from time to time I hear_

_The sound of horns and motors, which shall bring_

_Sweeney to Mrs. Porter in the spring._

_O the moon shone bright on Mrs. Porter_

_And on her daughter _

_They wash their feet in soda water_

_Et O ces voix d'enfants, chantant dans la coupole!_

_Twit twit twit_

_Jug jug jug jug jug jug_

_So rudely forc'd._

_Tereu_

_Unreal City_

_Under the brown fog of a winter noon_

_Mr. Eugenides, the Smyrna merchant_

_Unshaven, with a pocket full of currants _

_C.i.f. London: documents at sight,_

_Asked me in demotic French_

_To luncheon at the Cannon Street Hotel_

_Followed by a weekend at the Metropolis._

_At the violet hour, when the eyes and back_

_Turn upward from the desk, when the human engine waits_

_Like a taxi throbbing waiting,_

_I Tiresias, though blind, throbbing between two lives,_

_Old man with wrinkled female breasts, can see_

_At the violet hour, the evening hour that strives _

_Homeward, and brings the sailor home from sea,_

_The typist home at teatime, clears her breakfast, lights_

_Her stove, and lays out food in tins._

_Out of the window perilously spread_

_Her drying combinations touched by the sun's last rays,_

_On the divan are piled (at night her bed)_

_Stockings, slippers, camisoles, and stays._

_I Tiresias, old man with wrinkled dugs_

_Perceived the scene, and foretold the rest –_

_I too awaited the expected guest. _

_He, the young man carbuncular, arrives,_

_A small house agent's clerk, with one bold stare,_

_One of the low on whom assurance sits_

_As a silk hat on a Bradford millionaire._

_The time is now propitious, as he guesses,_

_The meal is ended, she is bored and tired,_

_Endeavors to engage her in caresse,_

_Which still are unreproved, if undesired?_

_Flushed and decided, he assaults at once;_

_Exploring hands encounter no defense; _

_His vanity requires no response,_

_And makes a welcome of indifference._

_(And I Tiresias have fore suffered all_

_Enacted on this same divan or bed;_

_I who have sat by Thebes below the wall_

_And walked among the lowest of the dead.)_

_Bestows one final patronizing kiss,_

_And gropes his way, finding the stairs unlit . . ._

_She turns and looks a moment in the glass,_

_Hardly aware of her departed lover; _

_Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass:_

_"Well now that's done: and I'm glad it's over."_

_When lovely woman stoops to folly and_

_Paces about her room again, alone,_

_She smoothes her hair with automatic hand,_

_And puts a record on the gramophone._

_This music crept by me upon the waters"_

_And along the Strand, up Queen Victoria Street._

_O City city, I can sometimes hear_

_Beside a public bar in Lower Thames Street, _

_The pleasant whining of a mandolin_

_And a clatter and a chatter from within_

_Where fishermen lounge at noon: where the walls_

_Of Magnus Martyr hold_

_Inexplicable splendor of Ionian white and gold._

_The river sweats_

_Oil and tar_

_The barges drift_

_With the turning tide_

_Red sails_

_Wide_

_To leeward, swing on the heavy spar._

_The barges wash_

_Drifting logs_

_Down Greenwich reach_

_Past the Isle of Dogs._

_Weialala leia_

_Wallala leialala_

_Elizabeth and Leicester _

_Beating oars _

_The stern was formed_

_A gilded shell_

_Red and gold_

_The brisk swell_

_Rippled both shores_

_Southwest wind_

_Carried down stream_

_The peal of bells_

_White towers_

_Weialala leia _

_Wallala leialala_

_"Trams and dusty trees._

_High bury bore me. Richmond and Kew_

_Undid me. By Richmond I raised my knees_

_Supine on the floor of a narrow canoe."_

_"My feet are at Moorgate, and my heart_

_Under my feet. After the event_

_He wept. He promised 'a new start'._

_I made no comment. What should I resent?"_

_"On Margate Sands. _

_I can connect_

_Nothing with nothing._

_The broken fingernails of dirty hands._

_My people humble people who expect Nothing."_

_la la_

_To Carthage then I came_

_Burning burning burning burning_

_O Lord Thou pluckest me out_

_O Lord Thou pluckest _

_Burning_

Burning. Burning.Burning.

"mmmm…"  
I read…

Read…

And read…

**Death by Water **

_Phlebas the Phoenician, a fortnight dead,_

_Forgot the cry of gulls, and the deep sea swell_

_And the profit and loss._

_A current under sea_

_Picked his bones in whispers. As he rose and fell_

_He passed the stages of his age and youth_

_Entering the whirlpool._

_Gentile or Jew_

_O you who turn the wheel and look to windward, _

_Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you._

I consider Phlebas.  
Poor soul.  
"mmmm…"

I read…

And read…

**What the Thunder said **

_After the torchlight red on sweaty faces_

_After the frosty silence in the gardens_

_After the agony in stony places_

_The shouting and the crying_

_Prison and palace and reverberation_

_Of thunder of spring over distant mountains_

_He who was living is now dead_

_We who were living are now dying_

_With a little patience _

_Here is no water but only rock_

_Rock and no water and the sandy road_

_The road winding above among the mountains_

_Which are mountains of rock without water?_

_If there were water we should stop and drink_

_Amongst the rock one cannot stop or think_

_Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand_

_If there were only water amongst the rock_

_Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit_

_Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit _

_There is not even silence in the mountains_

_But dry sterile thunder without rain_

_There is not even solitude in the mountains_

_But red sullen faces sneer and snarl_

_From doors of mud cracked houses _

_If there were water_

_And no rock_

_If there were rock_

_And also water_

_And water _

_A spring_

_A pool among the rock_

_If there were the sound of water only_

_Not the cicada_

_And dry grass singing_

_But sound of water over a rock_

_Where the hermit-thrush sings in the pine trees_

_Drip drop drip drop drop drop drop_

_But there is no water_

_Who is the third who walks always beside you? _

_When I count, there are only you and I together_

_But when I look ahead up the white road_

_There is always another one walking beside you_

_Gliding wrapped in a brown mantle, hooded_

_I do not know whether a man or a woman_

_- But who is that on the other side of you?_

_What is that sound high in the air?_

_Murmur of maternal lamentation_

_Who are those hooded hordes swarming_

_Over endless plains, stumbling in cracked earth _

_Ringed by the flat horizon only? _

_What is the city over the mountains?_

_Cracks and reforms and bursts in the violet air_

_Falling towers_

_Jerusalem Athens Alexandria_

_Vienna London_

_Unreal_

_Unreal. _

_A woman drew her long black hair out tight_

_And fiddled whisper music on those strings_

_And bats with baby faces in the violet light _

_Whistled, and beat their wings_

_And crawled head downward down a blackened wall_

_And upside down in air were towers_

_Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours_

_And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted well_

_I sat upon the shore_

_Fishing, with the arid plain behind me_

_Shall I at least set my lands in order?_

_London Bridge is falling down falling down falling down_

_Poi s'ascose nel foco che gli affina_

_Quando fiam ceu chelidon - O swallow swallow_

_Le Prince d'Aquitaine a la tour abolie _

_These fragments I have shored against my ruins_

_Why then Ile fit you. Hieronymo's mad again._

_Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata._

_Shanti shanti shanti_

"mmmm…"

I close the book.

Shanti. Shanti. Shanti.

_Yes, the fic is finished _


End file.
